I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
