hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
