Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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