I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
