I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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