1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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