Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
