seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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