Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are we still banned from the library?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
