i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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