well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
