it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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