The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
