it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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