And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
