I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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