brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
