I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think my moral compass just broke
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