Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
