People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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