If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
