FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize