You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
