you have to choose: penises or morals?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
