I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
