the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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