We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
