were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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