oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
