I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
