Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
