What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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