i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do herpes really smell.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
