I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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