If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
