I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
