I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
