Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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