She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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