Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
