you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Boobs speak an international language.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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