Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
