Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
