what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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