You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
