I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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