I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
