i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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