I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
