From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
