Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
