3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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