you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
