You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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