I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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