I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The air was thick with penises
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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