So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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