My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
