I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
