He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
