at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
