Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
