I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
