guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
