Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
