That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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