YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
