do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
