new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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