My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
