I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
