i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He felt like a one man threesome
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
