You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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