ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
