He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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